Cloudy, cloudy and cloudy…

I don’t like the spring in Hong Kong. It always cloudy or raining. When I am unhappy or in blue mood, I would like to go for a walk or hiking. But the weather of the spring is not good for the outdoors. So I could only stay in home to listen music. As I have no mood to listen happy melodies, most of the melodies I listen at this moment are the sad melodies… It makes my blue mood much darker…
But at the current dark blue mode, I still have to work, have to do the gathering and have to put afford in the opensource communities. These all activities are the only way to prove myself I am still useful…
When I look back what I have done in the past 10 years, I had made so many wrong decisions, lost my “True Destiny”, lost the chance of the UK residentship, lost the chance to study in Cambridge, lost the chance to be a PHD…
In fact, I am what I am at the moment because of those wrong decisions.
If not those wrong decisions, I could not join Apple.
If not those wrong decisions, I could not found my company, but I am still in a hard life to running it…
If not those wrong decisions, I could not be an Executive Committee Member of the Hong Kong Linux User Group.
If not those wrong decisions, I could not have chance to hold some opensouce projects to help the elders, children, students and Linux users.
If not those wrong decisions, I could not join a political party and try to help Hong Kong to be better, but of course I am finally totally disappointed and think about immigration.

All the things I have at this moment is based on my wrong decisions.
But I am still not free myself and forgive myself is the lost of my “True Destiny”.
It is now turning to the scar of my heart. It won’t never be forgotten and disappeared…

I wish tomorrow would be a sunny day…

好書推介: 在日本尋找中國 — 現代性及身份認同的中日互動, 吳偉明 編

在日本尋找中國 — 現代性及身份認同的中日互動, 吳偉明 編
http://www.cuhkacs.org/~benng/Bo-Blog/read.php?1366

這本論文集非常值得一看. 這裡的中國, 我覺得是指中華文明, 中華文明在中國沒落, 而日本能保留不少中華文明, 而且將其本地化, 落地生根.
在近代史上, 中國和日本是差不多時候被迫對外開放. 香港和橫濱, 都分別因鴉片戰爭和黑船事件而差不多同樣時間開埠.
兩國都是同一時間吸收外國的文化和技術, 清朝和德川幕府對西方的反應是一樣于腐保守. 何以日本明治維新的成功, 中國的洋務運動、百日維新的失敗. 日本出現大量影響當今日本及世界的文學家、科學家、企業家, 雖中國亦有不少, 但影響力反而不及馬列毛.
大家同樣受中華文明的洗禮, 思考方向大家亦差不多, 何以日本能在吸收西方文明之後, 能發展出影響世界的力量, 而中國不能?
華人在外國能大放異彩, 但偏偏在所謂自己土地上不能. 所以我不覺得是人問題, 而是中國本身出了問題.
但現時日本, 除了動漫外, 影響力已大不如前, 其實這是否是東方文明本身有根本上的缺憾?
中國現時常說自己強大, 世界都忌三分, 但所謂強的同時, 中國給自己人食的食物, 全是有毒有害, 毒害自己一代和下一代; 現時大陸工業污染的禍害, 至少五代都不能解決; 強得來會令自己絕子絕孫, 這樣的強, 是強嗎?
有人可以話, 外國在工業革命時期還都不是這樣? 但至少, 當時人家當發現對人體和環境有害時, 至少政府會找方法去禁止杜絕; 現在中國是明知有害, 都會找方法照賣, 不是賣去外國, 而是賣給自己人….. 你話中國有無得救?

我非常喜歡近代史, 尤其從中可看到各國在近代的發展, 而近代最重大的發明, 是自由, 人權. 有很多很多問題, 想由得知各國歷史的發展, 而得到答案或啟發, 當然以一個不是讀歷史、及靠二三手資料的人, 這樣的想法過於天真.

但我真係想知, 何解華人會那麼多苦難, 好似走難是其文化之一? 廣東有不少宗族, 是因逃避北方戰亂而來, 我祖上是因逃避共產黨而來香港, 而現在我亦需不需要因共產黨而避走他鄉?